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| I JUST BOOKED MY TICKET TO DC!!!!!!!!!! Less than a week away......I'm beyond excited...:). I hope to dear God that this trip will be worth it.....
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| So this is my first real entry in the year of 2009...
Much like everyone else who is graduating this spring, I, too, am quite terrified of what the future holds for me. One thing that I know for sure is that I will be attending grad school this coming fall and in the process moving to NYC. As many have already guessed, of course I am thrilled to be going to Columbia. After all this time, I am finally moving out of Ohio, from my comfort zone and off to face the real world with all I have learned thus far. The opportunities that I have ever dreamed of are coming into realization. Now all I am really waiting for is to figure out what exactly I am going to do for the summer. I just wish to dear God my summer plan will go as I planned out. Waiting is an excruciatingly painful period. But it is no evil. Just a longing that's all.
So while I have figured out what I'm going to do career wise at least for right now, I have yet to figure out other important things in my life. I really should not have expressed my emotion. Then again, I held it inside for a long time. Maybe I'm too hard on myself. After all, I should be able to embrace it. Yet, I feel sometimes maybe it should have been better if I just kept it inside and went my separate way. People come in and out of my life constantly. It's like a constantly revolving door never fully letting people in or out, but they are in the vicinity waiting to be accepted or passed on. I am happy to say that I have no regrets letting people in my life or sadly enough letting people go. What I will regret is letting a person go without starting anything. Or maybe it's better to let go a person without starting anything. I'm not quite sure.
All I know is that right now my heart is yearning and restless. Yet, I'm afraid of what might come of it. I never realized how distance could make such a difference in what I feel about a person. It's just unfair....when I finally realized I had some sort of affection for someone and that person actually felt the same way, it's too late or I'm already on my way to another path. Oh why oh why did I not just went out for dinners when I was asked. Time, time was not so kind. Will time ever be on my side? I just hope that our paths will cross once again at some point. Making the next step is terrifying. But I don't want to escape and forget either. I have to confront it for my own good. I don't even know what exactly I feel. It's all just mixed feeling, the worst one. He told me not to worry. But saying good morning and good night is not enough. Hearing his voice on the phone is not enough. Seeing him through webcam is not enough. I want to see him in front of me, no, I lied. I must see him. I need to make this trip work to see for myself. Only then will I know if our affections are indeed sincere and only then will this headache will go away. My physical body is here yet my heart is in DC. It's unfair and irritating. I have gone completely mad.
Enough of this silly nonsense....it's making me ill-minded...my dreamland is beckoning me.....I must go rest.
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| It has been too long since I have last written here....so I am resurrecting it!
My fortune for today: Your persistence will pay off soon.
I hope it does really soon....
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| Wow, it's been a long time since I wrote an entry....
So I really had a blast for the first time in my college life this year. The OSU vs. Michigan game was seriously awesome. The people were not that obnoxious than I imagined they would be this weekend. For the first time I felt my school spirit haha...... I even got my sis a piece of grass from the field :). I know she's going to love it. After the game, we went out on high street and ate and chill. Still no drinking for me :) I don't feel the urge I suppose .
So far this quarter went smoothly, my classes are challenging but worthwhile and I'm so going to bust my ass to do well on the finals but oh well, that's how it is (I know it sucks). But I'm still hanging on. I really don't know where I'm heading but hopefully the road will open up soon. More and more I appreciate the chance to learn something valuable in my life. I mean, I'm lucky, atleast that's how I view. There are other people around the world who are dying to go to college and learn. I appreciate the value of education and the many doors it opens up to people to achieve their dreams.
I've been pretty busy this quarter working and going to classes. I must say my social side just kinda went downhill. I still hang out with my usual friends (thanks to my guys lol) but I guess I still kinda feel empty inside? Don't get the wrong idea, I truely love my friends. But somewhere deep inside, I feel like I can't get the special connection. What do I mean by that? I mean I feel like I can't talk about things that I am passionate about. I usually keep my views to myself, cause I almost feel like my friends won't be able to understand me. Maybe I'm being stupid to think that? I want to travel and immerse myself in the richness of life. There are so many questions that are unanswered, and I full intent to explore them one by one. I've changed. And I know I've changed alot internally and maybe to the lesser extent outwardly. I wish that I can freely express myself, but it's getting harder and harder. One step at a time, I am getting closer to stepping out in the real world and it's unknown possilbilities, and I wish that I won't be alone.
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| Hottie~~~~
Dennis Oh :)
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